| | | Wednesday is the Fourth of July, the annual day we celebrate our country's
independence in that most patriotic and traditional manner -- 12-year-old boys blowing off their fingers with cherry bombs.
|  | | Fortunately, the Founding Fathers never got sidetracked by watching Anna Kournikova. |
From afar, our Founding Fathers loom as true giants, courageous enough to
declare independence, strong enough to defeat the world's most powerful
nation and wise enough to write a Constitution with a Bill of Rights that
remains the greatest document for democracy and governance the world has ever known.
Major-league owners, on the other hand, cannot even agree on the designated hitter rule.
But were those sons of liberty truly a group of extraordinarily wise
individuals or were they simply not handicapped by the distractions that
limit our work? Could we duplicate their performance if we just weren't so busy following sports?
More to the point, would the Continental Congress have been so successful if it met today when so many other important matters -- i.e., sports -- are competing for its attention? ...
John Adams: Where is everybody today? We haven't had this many absentees
since the NCAA basketball tournament. Where is Richard Lee? Has anyone seen
Richard Lee? Richard Henry Lee of Virginia? Anyone? Anyone?
George Whythe: He called me last night to say he won't be able to make it in
this week. He has to take his daughter to soccer practice today, he has his
softball league tomorrow, he has his physical therapy for his ACL the day
after that -- remember how he tore it driving on William Whipple in the
Continental Congress basketball game last January? -- and then he's coaching
his son in a Little League tournament this weekend in the Ohio territory. He
left his cell number, though.
John Hancock: The entire New Hampshire, Georgia and North Carolina
delegations will be absent as well. They're on one of those two-week ballpark tours.
Oliver Wolcott: And I can't be here next week. I'm running in the Hartford
Marathon and that's a crucial training week for me.
Josiah Bartlett: Remember, we can't meet Thursday afternoon because that's
when the Minnesota-Duluth women's hockey team and the Miami baseball team visit to be congratulated on their NCAA championships.
Adams: Appalling. At least Mr. Franklin is here. Despite the toll of
advancing age, he does what he must to attend each session because he
realizes its importance to the future of our nation. For as he said the
other day, either we all hang together or surely we shall all hang separately. Ben, I salute you. You are an inspiration to us all.
Ben Franklin: Could we wrap this up early today, John? It's Scott Rolen
Bobblehead Day at Veterans Stadium and Bill Giles invited Benjamin Rush and myself to his luxury suite.
Edward Rutledge: That reminds me, John. Does the Declaration of Independence
still include that clause about a 5 percent tax on rental cars, hotels
and restaurants to pay for a new Yankee Stadium and a new Shea Stadium? You
know that the great state of South Carolina will never sign such a document.
Philip Livingstone: New York will never sign without it. We must have it to
spur economic development in the Bronx and keep the Yankees and Mets from moving to New Jersey.
John Witherspoon: And why, pray thee, would that be such a disaster? Perhaps
it's time the New Jersey delegation appointed a blue panel to study
baseball's anti-trust exemption.
Adams: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please! We are losing sight of our objective.
There are far greater matters of consequence before us.
Samuel Chase: Adams is quite right. We must put aside our petty grievances
and concentrate on the heart of the matter. The very fundamentals of democracy are at stake here. For instance, the issue of voting and who shall gain access to the ballot box. As your Maryland delegate, I am sad to report that a terrible crisis is on our doorstep in this regard. Or have you not seen that David Bell is leading Cal Ripken Jr. in the All-Star vote?
Stephen Hopkins: Hear, hear! The state of Rhode Island wishes to know why we are still allowing each free man 25 votes.
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Our founding fathers loom as true giants, courageous enough to
declare independence, strong enough to defeat the world's most powerful
nation and wise enough to write a Constitution with a Bill of Rights that
remains the greatest document for democracy and governance the world has ever known.
Major-league owners, on the other hand, cannot even agree on the designated hitter rule.
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Adams: (Sigh) We would have to address that question to the Declaration's
author, Mr. Jefferson. Tom, do you address the voting issue in the final
version of the Declaration of Independence? Tom? Tom? Tom!!!
Jefferson: Oh, sorry, John. I was just reading my e-mail. What were you were asking me about?
Adams: The Declaration of Independence. You said you would finish it last night. Where is it?
Jefferson: Ummmmm, I didn't really get around to it last night. Our softball
team went to a sports bar after the game and the Giants game went into extra innings and I'm the commissioner of my fantasy baseball league and I was up until two in the morning scoring the week's performances.
Adams: Your fantasy baseball league? Over the Declaration of Independence?
Good God, man. Where are your priorities? Your sense of duty? Your sense of
honor? Do you not know what is at stake?
Jefferson: You're right. I humbly apologize to the Congress. It will not happen again.
Adams: See that it doesn't. I'll expect the Declaration here when we reconvene tomorrow morning. And as for the rest of you, I expect to see you all here and focused promptly at 9 a.m. No excuses. Good day, gentlemen.
Oh, and I should like to speak privately with the delegate from Delaware.
Caesar Rodney: Yes, John?
Adams: Caesar, I was wondering -- would you be willing to trade Luis Gonzalez for Mark McGwire and Mike Hampton?
Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com.
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