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Who will survive XXXV?
By Jim Caple
Special to Page 2

Super Bowl Sunday is America's biggest party of the year that does not involve Leonardo DiCaprio's posse. But if you haven't already stocked up on the chips, dip, foot-long submarines, meatballs and Heineken, you better hurry. The Super Bowl is scheduled to the last minute and waits for no fan ...

Pregame


	New York Giants punter Brad Maynard will get nearly as much screen time as Angie Harmon.

Friday -- Lucky fans nationwide let out wild cheers when they draw the "0-0" square in the office pool.

CBS kicks off its Super Bowl coverage with a pregame extravaganza, "Survivor Bowl XXXV," but the ratings drop midway through the show when viewers switch channels to NBC's "Saturday Night Live," airing at its usual time.

First quarter
15:00 -- After a 17-week regular season, three weekends of playoff games, two weeks of incessant buildup and a draining pregame show, America's No. 1 annual spectacle finally gets under way at precisely 6:18 p.m. ET: Budweiser airs its new ad campaign.

13:29 -- Baltimore's first offensive series ends with no gain and a 42-yard punt.

12:02 -- New York's first offensive series ends with no gain and a 42-yard punt.

10:57 -- Baltimore's second offensive series ends with no gain and a 45-yard punt.

9:40 -- New York's second offensive series ends with no gain and 45-yard punt.

9:34 -- One third of the national audience switches channels to find more exciting and dramatic programming, settling on "Inside the Actor's Studio with Ethan Hawke."

6:19 -- The referees delay the game 18 minutes while repeatedly reviewing the instant replay of Angie Harmon walking up the steps to the concession stand.

Second quarter
11:28 -- TV screens go black nationwide midway through Monsterdaytrader.com's $2.3 million commercial spot when the company suddenly files Chapter 11 before the timeout ends.

8:58 -- Baltimore tight end Shannon Sharpe finds himself wide open in the end zone on third-and-10 when New York cornerback Jason Sehorn stops to film a commercial. Trent Dilfer overthrows Sharpe and the Ravens are forced to punt.

5:44 -- After the 17th punt of the game, CBS announcers remind viewers that, "If you can survive this, you'll want to stay tuned for the second season of 'Survivor,' immediately following the game."

1:56 -- With the game still scoreless and time running out in the first half, the Ravens go into their hurry-up offense by punting on second down.

Halftime


	Baltimore Ravens punter Kyle Richardson will be a busy man, emerging as one of the stars of Super Bowl XXXV.

The halftime spectacular, "Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Survivor Island," is ruined when the XFL blimp and the Russian space station Mir crash into the stadium, knocking performers Eminem, Rosie O'Donnell and Siegfried and Roy unconscious. CBS fills the time by showing highlights from the first season of "Survivor."

Third quarter
11:25 -- With the game still scoreless, the Giants draw a 5-yard delay of game penalty when the offensive line is unable to hear quarterback Kerry Collins' signals over the snores of the crowd.

8:54 -- The crowd briefly rises to its feet in excitement when New York running back Tiki Barber breaks a tackle for a stirring 2-yard run, the longest gain of the game. Nonetheless, the Giants are forced to punt on fourth-and-eight.

5:21 -- The referees halt the game momentarily when the chain gang develops cramps from standing in place all day.

3:10 -- Ray Lewis draws a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty when he attempts to break up a fight.

Fourth quarter
8:42 -- Unable to move the ball, Ravens coach Brian Billick opens himself to second-guessing when he removes Dilfer and replaces him with Richard Hatch.

4:39 -- Yet another Baltimore drive stalls when the Ravens offensive line votes Hatch out of the backfield.

0:58 -- After 59 minutes of scoreless football, the Giants finally break through and clinch victory on Ron Dayne's 68-yard touchdown run after Baltimore owner Art Modell abruptly moves the Ravens to Los Angeles.

The kick fails.

Postgame
Al Gore creates a minor gaffe in protocol when he calls the Giants locker room to congratulate them on their victory.

Jim Caple of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer is a regular contributor to ESPN.com's baseball coverage and Page 2.

	game of survival

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