NEW YORK -- Maybe it was because those young Sisters (Venus and Serena Williams) were all over the magazine covers or because those old Brothers (Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi -- remember them?) were all over history. Maybe it was because those few assorted racial bombs from Lleyton Hewitt seemed to linger out there, flying around with all that ugly spittle (hocked by Michal Tabara -- remember him?). Maybe everybody was just too focused on whether Rodmaster Andy Roddick would hip hop through still another night match early enough to hip-hop down to the MTV awards.

Whatever it was, nobody in the vicinity of the U.S. Open seemed to care what happened to the No. 1 seed, not to mention the No. 1 player in the world, Gustavo Kuerten -- until it was too late. Which turned out to be Thursday, an especially lazy afternoon -- coming as it did smack between the after-dark electricity of Sampras-Agassi and Roddick-Hewitt -- made even lazier when the curled-locks boy from Brazil pulled a Beachabout and pitifully gave in to none other than his old whipping post, Yevgeny Kafelnikov, losing 6-4, 6-0, 6-3, in about six point three minutes.

"Did you really want to win this tournament," some non-believer asked the unusually de-energized Kuerten afterward.

"No. I just come here to give interview to you," Kuerten said -- with humor rather than malice. That's the thing about the smiling, twinkling three-time French Open champion and world-class charmer. He can ignore network interviewers, blow off Wimbledon occasions and tank all the Open quarterfinals he wants, we still love and adore him. As Guga says: "I am not a machine. I am human. But I think I have no chance today."

Not, at least, after some Mensa member high up in the stadium waving an American flag and singing gibberish -- nobody ID'd the crazy crooner but it probably wasn't Sergio Mendez -- interrupted Kuerten as he was serving to save the first set at 4-5.

"I never saw something like this," he said. "And we had to wait for him to finish all the song to start playing. At least half of it would be enough."

After pausing briefly, Kuerten surrendered first his serve, then his spirit, as Kafelnikov -- the seventh seed -- completed a stretch of 11 straight winning games. "Hell, I can play with him on the baseline," the winner said later. "Once I did that, I started to believe in myself a lot more. ... For every question he made to me, I had an answer."

But here are a couple of queries for Kuerten: How could you smack 33 aces and rally from two sets down against Max Mirnyi in the third round last week and then manage barely two against Kafelnikov, a guy who throughout the Open had been mushing through Flushing surviving marathons against the likes of Michel Kratochvil, George Bastl and David Nalbandian, who'd have a hard time qualifying for the Rolando Paulino All-Stars? How could you lay down and expire at the feet of one of the big-match mutts of the age, against whom you've created a career of whipping in important quarterfinals -- three different years in the French Open alone? Guga, Dude! In which sand dune or banana tree off Praia Brava was your sparkling, bewildered head?

It was along about 0-5 in the second set that John McEnroe, easily bored in the USA Network booth and then, just about asleep, said of Guga, who would never have thrown in the towel like this on his beloved clay: "He's halfway to Brazil right now."

For his part, Kafelnikov saluted the same McEnroe afterward for some coaching tips. "I talked to Mac a few times and he was actually giving me a hard time," said the 27-year-old from Sochi (no relation to Sochialist), Russia, who has ranked in the top 10 five times in the last six years. " 'How come such accomplished player like you are doesn't serve and volley as much as any other guys?' I said, you know, my game is working the point on the baseline and finish at the net. [But] today was different story. I knew I had to put pressure on Guga when he was returning. Seems to me serve and volley game was working well in the crucial points."

"I don't know," said Kuerten, still smiling long after the charade. "I couldn't find too much my pace, to see myself running and going for the shots. I didn't have any energy … So I feel disappointed and frustrated. But also maybe tonight I can have a good dinner, drink one beer, go out."

At least the day wouldn't be a total loss -- Guga having made a re-acquaintance with another one-word Brazilian wonder before the match. A guy name of Pele.

"Make my day happiest," Kuerten said. "[Pele's] coming from a very small town [like] me, and somehow we start to discovering, you know, the world, like going around and fighting against everybody and be successful."

Well, almost everybody.

It's not that Kafelnikov is a nobody, either. He's won both the French and Australian Slams and in '99 was momentarily ranked No. 1. He also puts in more court time than Greta Van Susteren, having led the tour in matches played over six of the last seven years. But, with countryman and Davis Cup teammate Marat Safin having won last year's Open and stolen some of his vodk-, uh, thunder, this may be Kafelnikov's final roar.

Were Kafelnikov and Safin -- who would have to knock off Sampras once again -- to advance and make it a Double Russki in Sunday's men's final, would there be much excitement?

"For the fans back in our country, yes," Kafelnikov smiled.

How about in Brighton Beach?

"I have no doubt about it."

What channel in Moscow do you tune into?

"It's NTV plus. It's unfortunately pay channel. You got to pay to watch it."

Are you worth it?

"I'm sure it's worth it."

Uh, K-Man, we'll get back to you on that one after the weekend.

Curry Kirkpatrick is covering the U.S. Open for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at curry.kirkpatrick@espnmag.com.