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| Friday, April 18 Updated: April 20, 3:31 PM ET Raiders mantra: In pursuit of ... frivolous lawsuits By Ray Ratto Special to ESPN.com |
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Until the NFL puts a salary cap on its teams' legal budgets, the Oakland Raiders will run free and easy, the undisputed interplanetary champion of subpoenas issued, depositions taken, testimony elicited and lawyers making yacht payments.
Something in a peach-and-aquamarine motif, we suspect. The Bucs, you see, are not just guilty of kicking the Raiders' ass last February, but of hijacking a modified form of the Raiders' pirate-with-two-swords-plunging-through-their-jowls logo, while the Panthers are being fingered for taking black and silver as two of their three team colors (the third is teal, which Al Davis has graciously allowed Jerry Richardson to keep). But according to sources close to the third bar stool over from the popcorn and jerky machine, that only accounts for 9 percent of the Raiders' 2003 legal budget. They may be facing actual financial problems, as they claim in their Sacramento suit, but its just the cost of running a 270-person law firm just off the weight room. And they're not done with these three. They have a number of other suits pending, including one that has forced quarterback Rich Gannon to take a correspondence course to get his law degree in time for jury selection.
What follows is a partial list, with defendants listed:
Oakland Raiders v. the NFL: In which the Raiders claim a proprietary interest in the "S" at the end of their team nickname, and insist that the other 31 teams pay to use the letter at the end of theirs. The Raiders further claim that this extends to the use of "Z" as well. "The claim is not just alphabetic, but phonetic as well," a spokesman said. The Children's Television Workshop has joined the NFL and filed a class-action countersuit against the Raiders on behalf of all words containing either "S" or "Z."
Oakland Raiders v. Miami Dolphins: In which the Raiders claim that the Dolphins' logo, with the fish wearing a helmet and jumping through a flaming hoop, is trademark violation in that both the Raider and the Dolphin are mammals. The Raiders also claim that other teams' use of protective headgear for their real players infringes on the Raider copyright of the pirate who wears a helmet, and that said teams must now play bare-headed. Before an arbitrator.
Oakland Raiders v. NFL: In which the league's use of shirts, pants, shoes and socks in its uniforms is held to be a violation of the Raiders' use thereof. The Raiders ask that opposing players be ordered to play nude, and thereby their games could only be scheduled in small adult clubs out by the highway, thus negating their luxury suite advantages over the Raiders. Continued, as third judge has called in sick "with the 17-month heebie jeebies."
Oakland Raiders v. City and County Of Los Angeles: In which the Raiders claim by being forced to move to Los Angeles in 1982 rather than Los Angeles coming to them, the Raiders incurred huge monetary moving costs that were not covered by their real estate company (being sued in a separate action).
Oakland Raiders v. Estate of Leonard Tose: In which the Raiders claim that the now deceased former owner of the Philadelphia Eagles was such a terrible gambler (he dropped somewhere around $50 million in his lifetime) that every time he bet the Raiders, he affected the team's karmic position. Still in discovery.
Oakland Raiders v. All World Media: In which the Raiders claim that reportage of any defeats, past or present, would negatively impact their ability to claim they are the dominant team of the past 40 years. Jury selection underway.
Oakland Raiders v. Dick Wolf: In which the Raiders claim that the creator and executive producer of the "Law & Order" series has hired several actors (Sam Waterston, Michael Moriarty, Richard Brooks, Stephen Hill, Jill Hennessy, Angie Harmon, Carey Lowell, Dianne Wiest, Elisabeth Rohm, Fred Dalton Thompson) who were supposed to take depositions in "Oakland Raiders v. NFL Europe."
Oakland Raiders v. Oakland International Airport Commission: In which the Raiders claim all that damned noise keeps them from running a nice, dignified practice ... and what's with those foil-wrapped honey-roasted peanuts? I mean, who's kiddin' who here? Don't you weasels know who you're dealing with? Preliminary hearing set for July 2004.
Oakland Raiders v. Oakland Raiders: "I'm sorry, Mister Davis. I was just Xeroxing these court papers, and the toner light went on, and then the lights went out, and I don't know what happened after that. Please put the javelin down, I beg you!" Settlement talks have been postponed, with no new date set. Ray Ratto is a columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle and a regular contributor to ESPN.com |
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